Sunday, June 23, 2019
You Cannot Hate Autism and Love Your Child
I came across this post on a Facebook page called "Amongst the Stars." It is by a martyr warrior mom. It really hurt my soul. Click on the photo and you will be directed to the original post.
As an autistic person, this hurt. Parenting is hard. Parenting any child is hard. Being autistic is part of who I am. It is part of all the autistic children and adults.
Functioning labels are harmful. She focuses on her child being "high functioning." Functioning labels clearly say one person is less of a person if they are unable to speak or their executive functioning is not as advanced as the next person. Being "low functioning" is being further away from being neurotypical. This line of thinking is very harmful and prejudicial." Functioning labels explain how other people experiencing us being autistic, not the other way around. Functioning labels do not serve any positive purpose.
She is right on one thing. Autism is not a puzzle piece. The puzzle piece is a hate symbol. There is not a piece missing. "Until all the pieces fit" is not a supportive statement. We are not a puzzle to be solved. The puzzle piece is a hate symbol. We are people and we do need to be treated as such. She is gas lighting us in this post.
She is taking on her child's identity. You cannot parent autism. You are a parent of an Autistic child. You cannot be a Deaf parent, a downs syndrome parent, a cancer parent, an asthma parent, transgender parent, etc. I do not say I am a diabetic parent. My son is a diabetic and I do what I can to keep him alive.
Of course the carer matters. Everyone needs support. The support cannot come to the expense of someone else. Parents need support but not at the expense of their children. So many people forget that. Do not post meltdowns, do not post children in a vulnerable state. It is common sense.
I never said being autistic is easy. Life is not easy. I do have communication issues, which is why I do not make videos. I am more comfortable with nonverbal communication as I was signing since before I could speak. Do not make your child's struggles your own. You take away their identity.
If your child is being aggressive, there is a reason. Find that reason. Adjust the stressors and the aggression will stop. Its all cause and effect.
I hope you understand why the Neurodiversity movement does not like posts like this. They are harmful. All we want is to be accepted, not to be demonized.
Your children were born to stand out. They do not fit in a nice neat box. This is because there is no box.